Athazagoraphobia
by jacesass
Summary: Short oneshot. Annie Cresta, the mad, broken girl. Once, a boy called Finnick Odair fixed her. But now he's gone, leaving a pit in her heart, who will fill it? Something I wrote quite a while ago, on Annie after the Rebellion. Reviews/Feedback/Criticism are always welcome and appreciated.


Annie gazed into the sea as the wind lifted her hair. She had matured, but not enough to forget. Fond, yet unwanted memories of Finnick teaching her to swim crept into her thoughts, snaring her in a trap. She struggled to free herself, but thoughts of Finnick weighed her down. He was always there, no matter what. Everytime she closed her eyes, everytime she saw the sea. He never left her mind, and she couldn't help but remember. It was harder than all those times she had spent wondering if he was dead or alive. This time she knew for definite.

"Are you going to teach me to swim, mummy?" Athaza stared into his mother's dark green vacant eyes.

_Athazagoraphobia, fear of being forgotten. _

Annie didn't reply, but instead turned back to the sea and stared past the horizon, at the skies tinted orange. Reminiscing of the time when Finnick swam round her, laughing and helping her keep afloat which she giggled and lay on her back…she shivered, filled with nostalgia.

"It's okay. I'll take Athaza and teach him." a soft voice murmured. "You take Aquamarine to the rock pools and watch over her." Mnemo said quietly.

Her husband took Athaza by the hand and led him out to the sea while he followed, splashing and causing ripples through the sea in his wake. Aquamarine smiled and giggled at her. She had Mnemo's light blue eyes which flashed in the sun, but her bronze coloured hair reminded Annie too much of Finnick's, which glistened like the sun. Annie eyed it for a minute before lifting her young daughter, cradling her as they strolled past the length of the sea till they reached the shallow rock pools.

* * *

She remembered receiving the news of Finnick's death, how she locked herself in her room for weeks; refusing to eat anything; staring longingly through the window at the ruins of District 13; collapsing against the walls and shaking as her mind tore itself apart and not shedding a single tear, but letting out wails of pain as a disease attacked her mind. Not insanity, but the overwhelming memories of Finnick, her only constant since her early childhood. Then one day, she simply walked out of District 13. She was one of the last people to return to their district, with many choosing to stay at District 13. Nobody noticed her leave. She left all her belongings and only took the photograph from her and Finnick's wedding. Walking through the wild forests, deserts and barren wastelands, the only company she had was the fog hanging over her mind, taking over fast. During the day she stumbled around, barely knowing where she was going and at night sobs wracked her body as she held the only belonging she had left tightly.

After some time of wandering, she came into a beach cafe near her home district. Nobody took any notice of this seemingly lost girl, and so she sat and ordered whatever the chatty waitress recommended as she looked into the sea, her head echoing with memories. In the end, all her waitress brought her was some water, after realising her customer had no money.

It was then that Mnemo came into her life. He appeared behind the waitress and laughed. Annie froze. The very same laugh as Finnick's, which stirred something inside her. Her head snapped up as she took in this man. His eyes, which shone like crystals and his hair, dyed as blonde as the sun itself. Nothing about his appearance reminded her of Finnick, but he had noticed her, and as he sat down opposite her, he flashed a brilliant smile.

"Sugarcube?"

Annie's eyes dilated in shock, and for a few moments she just sat there, rocking back and forth. After nervously shifting her eyes, she stood up and walked out. But then she heard the footsteps behind her, following her out.

"I-I'm sorry if I scared you or something, I just-"

Annie rounded on him and beckoned him forward, taking out the photograph. She knew how she must have looked, a savage with unrecognisable eyes, but she wanted to get rid of him, to be alone and mourn. Her eyes searched for his and looked into them, foreign and unforgiving. He needed to know, and then he would go.

"I-Is this your husband? Is he de-"

Again, Annie cut him off with a nod of her head. Her eyes looked away, filled with sadness. She turned once again and continued walking. Still, the footsteps followed and she gritted her teeth in frustration. What would it take for him to just go? She had no idea where she was supposed to be heading, but she hadn't really had a destination in mind when she left District 13. After all, she didn't even have a home here in District 4 - she certainly didn't want to return to her victor's home. Suddenly, Annie stopped. Just before he did. This was it. This was the very place Finnick had taught her to swim all those years ago, the place they waited for each other and the place where he had fallen in love with her. Lyrics from an old lullaby came into her head. _Here is the place where I love you_. A lump rose to her throat.

* * *

"Finnick Odair, huh? Can't compete with that."

He hadn't turned, but his voice sounded almost bitter as he settled in a spot near the sea, the waves gently falling over his feet. It was wrong. That was the place she had always sat. It felt wrong to take Finnick's place, so she simply sat on the other side, burying her feet in the unfamiliar sand.

"You look lost. Reminds me of my Ma. She used to sit everyday by the window, staring out at the waves as if they were stars. Then in the middle of the night I would wake up to find her staring at me. Those were the two most important things in her life. The sea and me. Well apart from her husband of course. Except she didn't have him anymore. So she was lost, a drifter."

Mnemo talked - about his life and his childhood, his hardships and his rare moments of happiness - until his voice was hoarse, finally resting his head against Annie's shoulders. When he had fallen silent and the moon stood watching over them, Annie recounted her story in every detail. For the first time in months, she smiled at the thought of their wedding, instead of breaking down. At the end of it all, just as the waves were lulling them to sleep, Annie whispered, "I'm so tired. I don't want to live to remember, but I don't want to die with it all forgotten. God, I'm so _tired_."

In the morning, Annie had woken up for the first time, on a bed. Mnemo gazed down at her.

"I slept on the floor. Thought you could do with a proper sleep."

He smiled, but Annie could tell he hadn't slept at all. Annie looked up. He had weaved a flower in her hair - a simple dandelion. She wondered where he had found it.

* * *

And so it was, that for the next seven years, they found refuge in each other. Annie shared her grief and he shared his burdens. Together they crawled out of their own dark holes and together, they became happy for the first time since their childhood. When she gave birth to Athaza just a few months after. Mnemo had been suggesting names from the moment she went into labour, but the next morning, as the sun rose, tinting the sky with colours of pink and orange, she named her son, kissing him on the forehead. She watched for years as Mnemo started up a business in making nets, then told him one day after three years that he was terrible. Playfully, he acted hurt and thrust it in Annie's hands, insisting she teach her how to do it. Her eyes darkened for a minute as she remembered herself trying to teach Finnick to weave nets, tying different knots and making sure he got it exactly right. But then she laughed and took it from Mnemo's hands, and she taught him. Finnick faded to the recesses of her mind, but he was always there. It was that finally, after seven years, she married Mnemo. It was a simple wedding on the beach, but not in her and Finnick's spot. Although Mnemo and her frequently visited there, searching the sand for shells and siting, talking, it felt like betraying Finnick on purpose, taunting his ghost with what could have been.

When Aquamarine was born, this time it was Mnemo who really chose the name. Annie didn't feel she had full possession over this new child, yet when she saw its hair, she couldn't help thinking that Finnick wanted her to have this child. Or perhaps that Mnemo, in some form, was a shadow of Finnick. These thoughts of Mnemo and Finnick did not make sense in her mind, so she pushed them away and instead held their beautiful child, carressing her fine locks. After they set her down and sang a soft lullaby to help her sleep, Annie fell into Mnemo's arms and closed her eyes. Memories of Finnick's laugh, his habits, everything in Mnemo which reminded her of Finnick echoed round the walls of her head until she thought it would burst, and she would finally be free. Life had become a chore, and although her children brought her joy, the past gave her sadness and resentment.

* * *

One night, as she lay in bed with Mnemo, he spoke. He knew, of course, that she didn't truly love him, more that he reminded her of Finnick in his mannerisms. He detested that he was a mere shadow of Finnick, but he loved Annie and was completely devoted to her. He would never leave her side, and well, he'd never admit that he saw parts of his Ma in Annie. But she did, truly love her for who she was. Those eyes, her mind which so often unravelled and the rare part of her, which he could barely open the barriers around, the part which welcomed Finnick with open arms. He was jealous of that. But that night, his question chilled Annie to the bone and haunted her thoughts, staining her conscience.

"Why do you stay with me? I know I'm no Finnick. He's always been the one."

Annie hesitated.

"Because you saved me all those years ago. You saw me when nobody else did. When I was shattered into a thousand pieces, you pieced me back together. Because you helped me."

Annie fell silent, and she could almost hear Mnemo thinking. Later, when she was certain he was asleep, she whispered, "And because you remind me of him. It's how I remember."

She bit her lip and thought the rest to herself. _And it keeps me holding on. Sure, it hurts to see a constant reminder of him everyday, but I don't want to forget. Never. I want to keep him in my memory forever and carry it with me everywhere. And I'm so, so scared I'll forget and lose my mind_. Her eyes started to swim with tears.

_I'm terrified I'll forget the one person who mattered, who I could barely live without. I want him to live forever in my memory, no matter how much it burns me and how much it hurts._ They glassed over until she couldn't see anything but the ghosts that were her memories, constantly in her head.

_Because he gave up everything for me, he saved my life._ She held back a sob.

_And now all I can think of is how I wish I could say I did the same for him._ The tears started.

* * *

"How's my girls?"

Mnemo breezed round the corner, laughing beside Athaza. Annie snapped out of her trance and blinked. Aquamarine gurgled happily, climbing out of the rock pool to greet her father and brother. Annie fixed her eyes on Mnemo and stared reproachfully for a few seconds, before returning her gaze to the sea.

_Mnemosyne, the goddess of memory._


End file.
